I write ads, film, television, comic books, and what-have-yous. Sometimes I even get paid for it.

 

I started as a lowly toilet scrubber on the set of America’s Next Top Model and worked all the way up to a broken down, disillusioned, writer-of-all-things-that-get-people-fired. Everything you think is cool in Hollywood, I did it. Every celebrity you love, I got their lunch order wrong once, probably. I sold movie scripts, wrote for TV, landed investors, and even mistook Pauly Shore for an extra on a big-time movie set.

 

Hollywood’s not as glamorous as it’s portrayed in the movies… it’s better. ™

 

You may be thinking to yourself, if this guy was such a good toilet scrubber, why is he writing ads now? Well, you see, I watched Mad Men once and decided I wanted to wear a suit to work, chain smoke cigarettes, and lose my mind. I regret to inform you that I’ve only done one of those things.

 

If you’re into dumb ideas, low-brow humor, and *awards, email me and tell me your dumbest idea. If it’s dumb enough, I might just write back.

 

*awards pending