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I write ads, film, television, comic books, and what-have-yous. Sometimes I even get paid for it.


I started as a lowly toilet scrubber on the set of America’s Next Top Model and worked all the way up to a broken down, disillusioned, writer-of-all-things-that-get-people-fired. Everything you think is cool in Hollywood, I did it. Every celebrity you love, I got their lunch order wrong once, probably. I sold movie scripts, wrote for TV, landed investors, and even mistook Pauly Shore for an extra on a big-time movie set.


Hollywood’s not as glamorous as it’s portrayed in the movies… it’s better. ™


You may be thinking to yourself, if this guy was such a good toilet scrubber, why is he writing ads now? Well, you see, I watched Mad Men once and decided I wanted to wear a suit to work, chain smoke cigarettes, and lose my mind. I regret to inform you that I’ve only done one of those things.


If you’re into dumb ideas, low-brow humor, and *awards, email me and tell me your dumbest idea. If it’s dumb enough, I might just write back.


*awards pending

Wow. You made it to the end. You've read my entire website. You can scroll back up now.

Seriously. Stop. There's nothing else to see.

I'm not saying it again.

Alright, fine. Fuck it.

(sorry, this doesn't work on mobile. I'm a writer, not a web designer, cut me some slack)

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